Personal development & self-improvement lessons
How I learned to be happy alone and you can too.
Firstly, you must understand that
“Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely”.
The difference between living alone and loneliness
This is the first thing I believe that we need to clarify before discovering the way how to be happy alone. Actually, being “alone” and “lonely” is totally different.
It is not the same as many people think they are. Because the way to approach and the meaning behind these words are not similar.
To be specific, in a study of Psychology Today, the meaning of these words have been defined as
Being lonely is a psychological state characterised by a distressing experience occurring when one’s social relationships are (self-)perceived to be less in quantity and quality than desired.
Being alone is the physical state of not being with another individual, might it be human or animal.
It means that the state of being alone is focused on the physical state rather than your psychological state.
It looks like when you stay in your room alone to learn or read a book, or doing your self-research. You do it because you want to have a private space where you can do whatever you want and not affect others or maybe because of some reasons that you can’t spend time with others — such as self-isolation during COVID 19.
While the feeling of loneliness means that you feel separate from others, lack the connection with peoples while you really want to have someone with you in your mind.
So “alone” is more about “who is separate by physical condition” and doesn’t have people surrounding while “loneliness” is the feeling “separate in psychology”, means this person can have people surrounding but still feels isolated from others.
To avoid the alone feeling and bring happiness to your self while don’t have people who you love surrounding you is a big question for many of us, especially for the people who are self-isolated during the COVID 19.
Many of us MUST stay at home, don’t have a real connection with others. This is a very stressful feeling for many people and doesn’t know how to get over it.
And many of my friends also stuck with the same situation now when the city I lived in — Melbourne has been locked down for more than 4 months. It increased rapidly the feeling of unhappiness because of alone for my friends, and me some times as well.
We are all humans and want to connect and interact together.
So I try to figure out the ways how I can help myself and my friends during this hard time when all of us who live in this city need to stay alone at home and all want to enjoy the happiness instead of stressful during the lockdown time.
These are 5 things that I did and encourage many of my friends to do in this period of time when they shared with me how alone and unhappy they are because of stuck at home.
1. Avoid comparing yourself to others
Your life is your choice.
And all the things you have in your life has its own reasons. So don’t compare yourself with someone’s success that you see on social media.
Because everyone chooses to share their luxury life, successful and enjoyable moments on social media instead of their hard works and tough times.
And when you are watching these kinds of images, videos about how they enjoy life, you will start to feel upset about yourself; doubt about your abilities that why you don’t have these things yet.
Well, this is your big trouble!
Let think if you are on your first day of training, can you have the same result as someone who did it for 2 years? The answer is NO!
So instead of comparing yourself with them, let compared with you yesterday. Do you become a better person today? Do you work harder and achieve more compared to yesterday?
If every day you all can improve yourself and do a little bit better. After a year looks back, you will become a totally different person who achieves more than you can expect, and even far more than the friends who you used to admire.
When you compare with others, you just follow them.
But when you compare with yourself, you will become someone better than you can imaginate.
2. Spend time with nature
That’s a truth that many people don’t recognize when they staying alone. As the study from researchTrusted Source shows that the time we spend with nature can help to reduce the feeling of depression and lower blood pressure.
Let spend around 30 minutes per day walking in a park near your house or go around your living area. Spending time with nature and seeing your surroundings instead of staying at home and stuck in brick walls.
Then you will see yourself totally different, having more energy, feeling fresher, and be inspired by the beauty of life.
You will not fully feel these feelings if you just read my story, you need to apply it by yourself.
So let start to do it from today when you have a rest time or just after reading couple of my stories on Medium here.
3. Nurture relationships
You don’t need too many friends, you just need more goods and trusth-worthy friends.
I used to hear that we need to have many social friends as we can if we want to develop our career. Yes, that’s right but not totally true.
We really need more friends but should be good people who have the same mindset or can support us. You don’t need more party friends to just spending money together. Let find the people who can motivate together to work and achieve big goals together.
So even when you are alone, having some good friends who always want to improve their lives can give you more motivation to work on yourself and your dream during the alone time.
Facetime, messengers can use to update life and support the spirit and emotions together. As I normally do daily now with my best friends when we can’t catch up together for a long time because of the restriction.
4. Don’t afraid to ask for help
If you feel unwell or not good with your alone feeling, let ask someone for help.
This could be your parents, your siblings, or someone who you trust. You can ask to help you with some advice or just spending time talking with you when you feel alone. By doing this, you will feel better than just experience everything by yourself.
We are all humans and we need to support each other. So, don’t afraid to ask for help!
5. Create your own daily goals
The feeling of achievement will help you to feel happy and inspired you to do more things that lead to your success. Don’t let the lonely feeling to beat you and lost your own goals.
As Mozart says:
“When I am completely by myself, entirely ALONE or during the night when I cannot sleep, it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly. Whence and how these ideas come, I know not nor can I force them”.
So whenever you feel alone, let remind yourself about your goals, what you really want to achieve in today or your future. Then, spend your time doing things that can help you to go closer to your goals instead of just boring or worrying about your alone feelings.
Turn your negative feeling into the fuel to help you go further and achieve more things in life is the technique that many leaders and famous people in the world apply to achieve their dreams in life.
So how about you?
Which techniques do you want to apply immediately to turn your bored and tired alone time into a happy time?
Everything will change when your mindset change, and instead of thinking about the negative things, let start to use your alone time to think positive and achieve the dreams that you always wish you can do.
Now is your time and your success is waiting for your today's action!